Thursday, January 18, 2007

We are all Butt Kissers

Was with a group of friends the other day and one of them commented on the successes on some of our friends.Then he made a snide remark, calling this other friend a butt kisser.Two thoughts crossed my mind at once....one was my name calling friend was being a typical jackwanker as all at the table knew she was really a loser.Always competitive but almost always hollow inside la. This is the category of people I call, um, Hollows ( you know like the creatures in Bleach , except ghosts from the underworld is smarter than her)

Another part of me was thinking to myself....we are all butt kissers to a certain extent.Seriously, even the most good and holiest of us all.All job roles and descriptions requires it....Main job roles are placed first in the job description.

Accountants- Kiss CEO's butt. Fake numbers, cook the books and confuse the shareholders with numbers that look good, don't add up and/or make no sense.Or convince them that being 1 billion dollars behind debt and being in the red for the last 20 years is a good thing for the company.

PA to CEO- Kiss CEO's butt.Sleep with CEO.Book meeting rooms,karaoke rooms, hotel rooms and massage parlours for CEO.Provide female, or in some exceptional cases, male company/entertainment to CEO and charge to Accountant as 'entertainment allowance'. Effectively all XO and JD orders will be translated a 'seafood dish' or 'exotic fried rice'.

CIO- Kiss CEO's butt.Confuse the CEO with big jargons on technology that you read in today's copy of InTech and CHIPs.Always answer your PDA phone when asked on costing and walk away, never to return and pretend as if you forgot the question.

CFO-Be butt kissed by the CEO and everyone in the organization so everyone can go around their daily 'expenses' without hindrance.

Priest- Kisses God's butt.This is done by singing daily praises to him and telling everyone to do the same.

NGO worker-Kisses Opposition's butt.Although there is very little to be gained from that, being in the Opposition is already not financially smart, so its like kissing a broke person's butt. Might as well kiss the wall, at least you won't get investigated under the Sedition Act and placed under ISA.

Opposition-Kisses Anwar Ibrahim's butt.Why?Hmm...liwat charges....

Government-Kisses PM's butt.But only because they have to.Recently resorted to kissing DPM's butt, just in case.

Underwear model-Kisses everyone's butt to get where he is, then exposes his own butt.

Ancient Egyptians/college dorm dwellers-Kisses a two mounded stone called Butt.Then get high on crack.The ceremony is called ButtCrack.


Think of any job, and you will find some form of buttkissing involved.Sad but true.Now where's my lip gloss?

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