Monday, December 18, 2006

Possessed in MidValley

OK so you have this scenario right where a friend of yours wants to go shopping.And perhaps coz he cannot see very well in daylight, asks you to follow him and the gang.So like a kambing you follow this dudes out for an outing, knowing very well you have had NIL sleep in the last 24 hours and need to go in to work in 16 hours time.And you round and round sleepily and realize under extreme stress, Malaysians can really perform the most amazing parking stunts (Kancil squeezed in between two cars) and also the most stupid (there was this MyVi real dungu female driver who basically won the irritation of the population by parking, then reversing, then reparking, then reversing, then reparking then reversing....well you get idea).See, this is what causes road rage and throwing of objects, hypertension.showing of middle fingers, court cases and unneccesary bloodshed .

And then they terpilih this movie right, with a real powderful title like 'Possessed' and tell you its got Amber Chia in it, so its gotta rock.So in you saunter into the cinema.Wow.I have never been this stunned in my life.It was by far......the WORSE FREAKING movie I have seen.(warning: major spoilers ahead)OK, first of all the movie opens with this sipposedly gruesome scene where this girl wakes up in hospital and takes an axe (dunno from where) and proceeds to chop her doctor.The bloody pieces of flesh looked like watermelon chunks and the blood exactly like Buncho water color which I used to play with as a child.Apparently Amber lost her memory (and all acting skills) and her sister is missing.

Then they show this house , and this Malay girl who is speaking some unknown language, dubbed in Cantonese, suddenly put on a jade ring and jump down and die.Then they show Amber who looks like her fugliest ever.I remember a time I thought her lips was pretty, but in this movie it looked like she French kissed a beehive and left a few bees behind.It also looks like her body been run over by a overloaded trailer, coz her bodycut went from shape of a Ming dynasty vase to a fifty cent plastic 'Baba' flower pot.

Then there's this old dude who looks Malay, but speaks perfect dubbed Cantonese.He asks for a pipe from Amber, smokes, and promptly dies.The way he dies reminds me of the way a friend of mine got drunk in Red Box.

So apparently she lost her memory and apparently there's this real friendly ghost living in her house.This movie borrows heavily from other ghost stories.Real heavily.There's this part where they show the ghost coming out of the bath tub.Damn it wei, I feel a rubber ducky emerging from bubbles would have a more scary effect.And the ghost actually looked prettier than the living Amber Chia.First time I LOL during a supposedly killer scary scene.

Then the ghost starts getting horny and starts fucking everybody in the movie.Then this pervert appears from nowhere and its like the funnniest rape scene ever.He ties Amber up, puts duct tape over her mouth, then puts lipstick over her duct tape, mashes his face into hers, then does some silly play with some scissors, and instead of 'fei lai' her, he tickles her toes with scissors.Then he goes home and fucks a wall.Then the ghost kills him.

Just as I was wondering where the hell is the possesing part in this movie, the producers as in on queue show Amber getting possesed by watching a video of her sis.This also made me almost ROTFL.She does this headspin thing like Booker T in WWF does a spinaroony or how some rappers does a balancing act with their head and start spinning like a gasing.

Then she kills everyone and reveals that all the while the sister(Amber) did some bad things to her la.Then Amber goes mad.Then her sister somehow becomes the nurse and takes care of Amber.No I don't mean kill Amber I mean sayang her, its like WTF.A vengeful, but forgiving spirit...???

AARGH.

3 Comments:

Blogger Jolin said...

aye just wanna ROFL.

good spoiler! :D

11:08 PM  
Blogger Jolin said...

oh, it's bodicea btw

11:20 PM  
Blogger Emmanuel said...

LOL Sis yea was wondering who was Jolin la.

It was nearly almost crap the movie.Was nearly honestly dead :P

11:26 PM  

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