Saturday, November 26, 2005

Mid-Road Animal Stunts

First my parents hated me.Then my friends.Then my neighbourhood pets.Now I've entered a whole new level of unpopular.Animals in the middle of the road are beginning to insult me.This week alone- 3 times.

I swear, I'm not making this up.On Tuesday, on my way back from work, I saw this rat, this ugly, rabies infested muggler of a creature cross the road like he was jaywalking.Dahlah I bawak Kancil like a madman, so I had to emergency break.This tikus paused, looked at me and I could almost see it laugh, then moved across the road and got hit by a truck.RIP, Tikus, but thats what happens when u insult Kancil drivers.Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Kancil in English translates to Mouse-deer.I dunno, but it was irritating, and now the mouse is up in mouse heaven along with Mighty Mouse, Pinky and the Brain and that creepy looking rat-sifu from Ninja Turtles.

OK, I can deal with an insult in the form of laughing la, but then yesterday on the back from work, there were these monkeys(no i don't mean screaming half naked village kids who throw objects at your car)real actual monkeys lepaking on this bridge right,and one of them waved a fist at me.Already receiving enough insults from my two legged peers, I could stand it no longer and decided to scare the bugger la., So I blare my car horn at it, and it ran and fell off the bridge.Just I had visions of Sabrina and her SPCA Gang coming to whack me up for killing animals... came the same monkey from under the bridge.Somehow he had survived another day to insult me.So I gave it the middle finger(OK, I know thats dumb, but hey I need to get the steam off my chest before you read about me driving off a ditch in tommorow's paper).So happens there's this abang in a lori who was also parked near me, and he saw the finger so I had to pretend like I was rubbing my eyes.So you see, in retrospect, its the monkey's fault.

And for my worse insult this week, today as I am driving to work, I stop at a traffic light.This anjing kurap comes along and chooses my front right tyre as his spot to piss.I jerked my car in front a bit to shoo it away.It moved a little and continued to piss on on my left front tyre.Bastard!Then after that can wag its tail some more.As though its telling me "thanks for lending me your restroom, pal"

I am on extremely low self esteem and would deem fit to jump down my office block,except I might not die, and will be left to fester away in some haphazard government hospital when the stray cats can come and piss on my plaster casted broken legs !!

Sigh...I am begining to really hate animals.

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