I Don't Understand Chinese Delicacies Part 1

Pic: Everything in the pic is edible.

Disclaimer: I am half Chinese and this post should not be intepreted as inflammatory.It is a comedic look at life.If you cannot stand humor (read:wannabe militia) ,cannot understand jokes or happen to be Amish and refuse to laugh at anything(though just to let you know, comedians globally are cracking jokes at your expense) go join your local anti-clown movement.

I really do not understand it.Every time we go to expensive Chinese restaurants they always seem to serve exotic dishes that never fail to make me go "OMG, you can EAT that?".You name it, they've most probably got it.From the rare tiger's golden balls to the bulu ketiak of the blue rabbit.But you've got to read the fine print. On the menu its just written with gempak names that often rhyme "Fiery Dragon Scratches Itchy Butt,Gas Blew Up Pizza Hut" (Fried Rice with Duck Tongue and Extra Cili Padi) or "Drunken Chicken Trying to Fly,Walk Two Steps and Then Die" (Stir Fried Wild SARS Infected Chicken with Unidentified,Possibly Fatal Plant Roots)

Or sometimes you just wonder- Why the hell would I want to eat that???I mean if you look at it objectively there are some food that we take for granted in wedding dinners or visits to the Chinese sinseh or pick up at Chinese medical halls that really got me rethinking Chinese rare dishes-

Sharks fin

Now imagine this scenario: The poor shark swimming around peacefully in the ocean, looking for Nemo, and just when he found Nemo, a vicious looking fisherman drags him out of the ocean, into a boat , potong the guys flippers(the equaivalent of chopping of our ketiaks) and dumps him back into the ocean.It happens so fast, the shark is confused, and before he knows it, he's back into the ocean minus his ability to swim. And so he looks left and right, bewildered, wondering why the hell he cannot swim! And slowly, he tenggelam ke dasar laut, and just lepaks there until the Angelfish of Death appears and brings him up to Fish Heaven(something like Langkawi Underwater World Aquarium la).Objectively, sharks fin is just like eating chicken wings, only its tasteless, odorless and has nil nutritional value.Wait, thats like paying through your nose and getting nothing in return.Kinda like going to a karaoke and all the GROs speak in deep voices and have leg hair.


Bird's Nest

This one even better.Well, birds nest is essentially made from swallow's(burung layang layang)
nest and is composed of 99% bird spit.Thats right- ludah burung wei.What would you think the poor confused birds are thinking?Susah payah they build the nest, than some Batman wannabe jokers climb up cave walls and take away their homes, kinda like home reposession la I suppose the feeling, when you don't bayar hutang and bank rampas your rumah.Except this time the home is made of spit.Birds probably thinking to itself, "Dahlah rampas rumah aku, nak makan ludah aku pulak?Bodohnya manusia nie"

Plus I heard from a friend of mine that red birds nest has the highest value.Let me get this straight-you dare eat a red substance coming out of a birds mouth/beak?Wei it probably is infected blood/phlegm la wei!!! The bird may have SARS/ bronchitis/chronic lung disease andyou wanna eat the guys spit??Tabik.

p/s: I got a few more things I thought about but time running out for me to take another nap. Graveyard shift again.So to be continued soon.


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