Wednesday, November 05, 2008

From Jolin's FB Post

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, andwe're taking the other Blue States with us.In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all theNortheast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, andespecially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.We get stem cell research and the best beaches.We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel andMicrosoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. Youget Alabama.We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red statespay their fair share.Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get abunch of single moms.Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, andthey don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percentof the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent ofAmerica's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all livingredwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schoolsplus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health carecosts), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all SouthernBaptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddamwas involved in 9/11 and 61 percent believe youare people with higher morals then we lefties.Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico

Peace out,

Blue States


Post a Comment

<< Home