Sunday, March 05, 2006

What The Hell?

Have you ever woke up one morning and decide that life is simply fucked up? Well it happened a couple of days ago to me.I just woke up that morning and decided I would rather be a fruit picker in a poor African nation that steals from UN aid trucks and is filled with corrupt, dying generals who are waiting to transfer money to you via email through their 12 year old widow wives.

I would rather be an anal wart on Malcolm Glazer's ass or a pimple on Britney's silicone puffballs.Wait, I retract the last one, as I believe that is the object of every teenage dude's fantasy.It used to be being Pam Anderson's knickers but I think the whole boob and ass shrinking thing and Ms Baywatch's obsession with how KFC should slit the throats and throw their chickens into boiling water in a more humane way kinda put the guys off to worship people who touch their boobs in music videos instead.

To fully illustrate my point, I would rather be a pathogen that lives in an anal wart situated on Malcolm Glazer's ass that he got as a result of being sodomized by a African general who beats his 13 year old wife and robs UN aid trucks and happens to love Arse-anal(no pun intended) in his "Starving Africa Loves Man U since the Rest of the World Wishes Me Dead Campaign"

Oh and why am I pissed off?Let's see...for starters petrol price has increased again.And every single time it happens, the government tells us to realign our lifestlye.If this keeps up for 5 more years.... everyone will survive on roti kosong and carry around their own tea bags to the mamak stalls.Foreign car manafacturers will soon have a new concept of a motorized tricycle with a hood and market it off as haute couture.After all you can stick a yawning tiger's face (think Power Rangers logo that is emblazoned on every Waja u see...) and charge Malaysians double the price for half the quality nowadays.

And if you don't buy that car you become a national traitor.And the money saved will be used for improvement of roads.Woo-hoo.I suppose it makes sense.Its a double edged strategy, the government is trying to force everyone to use bicycles, then they can improve the roads and it will remain perfect for twenty years and they can take the credit for it while some dude who pours black paint over tanah liat, spreads it around and sells it to the government for half a trillion dollars as a highway.

Not forgetting the guy who gets paid 300 million to come over, look at the black painted tanah liat, fart on it, take a piss on the sidewalk and notice the paint is not good, recommends Dulux Weathershield instead and charges the government another billion for his high qualification which consists of a diploma in pottery making and a MBA from the Purple Macintosh University which is esentially an online scam ran by one of the 117 illegal offspring of the butt-rapist African general.

In a rare moment of enlightenment, I have decided to move to Africa.And I am bringing with me a lof of KY Jelly(lubricant) and I'm gonna look for General Abubumazafufu whose wife, Sally has apparently contacted me through her underground network to smuggle trillions of USD out of Iraq and where I'll probably end up in Guatanamo Bay getting laid by horny servicemen.Either way, I am screwed.


Anonymous hizzilitis said...

jeez what crawled up ur ass?
dude lets lepak la sometime. i'll belanja u makan. that should lift some stress off ya and if that aint enough, we can kutuk ganesh till we hear news that he's vomited blood o'er yonder in Ukraine. btw my new no: 017-3*thinks for a moment* think i'll just friendster msg u/email u this one.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Sayid Iskandar said...

me thinks you've becoming a gay after loss of contact from women. 15 years in exile is too long for any man to take.

Wishing you a splendid "A2M" session upon reaching Africa, the country where a horny lion is seen screwing a baby elephant.

7:38 AM  
Blogger Emmanuel said...

hizz-call me la u stingy son of a bitch

1:58 PM  
Anonymous pelf said...

*runs away*

5:22 PM  
Blogger Emmanuel said...

pelf come back!

I am under-read as it is :P

12:25 AM  

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