Thursday, August 03, 2006

Malaysianised -European Folklore series: Cinderella

I knew the day would come when the sneaky BN government would ask us to stop blogging about stuff that isn't true(read as: anything against the present administration, support for the opposition or the former PM, or anything anti-establishment and so on.So I, Emmanuel, will show my loyalty(read: distaste) with the current administration's media blackout-cut and rule ideology by blogging about happy stuff.And NO I am not blogging about the absurdity of DBP's latest futile efforts- now why would you think that?

Have you heard about Cinderella edisi Malaysia?OK, first the name must be translated into the Malay equaivalent- How about Ela Hitam?OK now Ela Hitam was a beautiful dark girl.(and here was how theoratically hitam manis got coined) Now Ela Hitam was a simple girl who wanted nothing more than a simple life.She lived with her two evil stepsisters, Buntal and Lidi and her stepmom, Cik Mental

Now Buntal and Lidi were fuglies.Their mom was the mother of all fuglies.The dad had earlier died coz of financial complications.He experienced a sudden insurgence in wealth that compelled him to some hasty investment decisions that plumetted, resulting in a deficit in budget.In laymans terms, he struck gold in 4D, went to Genting, lost and jumped down from First world Hotel.

Then suddenly one day the rich Datuk L wanted to throw a bachelor party.They were not spinsters and far too ugly to be exotic dancers or anything...But being evil fuglies and all, Buntal, Lidi and their stepmom decided to go and throw themselves at drunk Indonesian men who might just decide to take them back to Bandung, impregnate them and throw them out of the house where they will later, wail, moan, howl and shrivel and die.

So off they went, and Ela Hitam wasn't allowed to go coz she was too black.Then she saw a Fair and Lovely advertisment on TV and started using the product on her face, but instead ended up with red spots all over since she bought it near the Masjid Jamek LRT station from a Bangladeshi.She was then interviewed by Edisi Siasat whose host proceeded to go over to the Bangladeshi and go "Celaka Punya Laknat...Bangsat Pendatang Haram, Dasar Mak Bapak Kurang Hajar" and hit him repeatedly on the head with a bottle of impotency cure that apparently did not work on the TV host.

Meanwhile, Ela was being harassed by a group of leather wearing punks on the background whose leader was wearing a 'rock' T-shirt with mispelled 'System of a Down' reading 'System Down' and who was later arrested by the police for disorderly conduct.Datuk L however who was enjoying his bachelor party at home was getting increasingly disgusted by the Three Fuglies who kept throwing their ugly selves at him that he went out to get some fresh air when he saw Ela in his 79 inch China made Samsung flat screen.He fell in love with her pimpled nose and immediately contacted his friend, Jimmy Choo to make to order 999 shoes of various sizes. He injected the various shoes with a smart chip that electrocutes its user according to a sophisticated program written by an Indian programmer and marked up by Microsoft 30 times its original price.

He set the chip to electrocute 3 DNAs - The Fuglies.He obtained their DNA from saliva he got slobbered all over him while they tried to bite his arm.

He then announced a shoe giveaway at Midvalley and all the women came, including the fuglies.They put on the shoes and die a miserable and painful death.After that he picked up Ela from her house and they ran to Thailand to get married and lived happily ever after.



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Blogger tigerjoe said...

You knew the day would come, eh? Perhaps you can lend me your crystal ball, young man.

Only because it's that time of the week when I have to pick my 4D numbers.

5:45 PM  
Anonymous pelf said...

OMG, this is hilarious! :)

6:55 PM  
Blogger Emmanuel said...

tiger= try 0000

pelf= glad you enjoyed it =)

12:06 PM  
Blogger Manny said...

more or less predicted by most i suppose. This whole 'censor this censor that' attitude continues, perhaps vission 2020 would see the birth of a new neo-communistic malaysia. Where anyone saying anything against or critiquing the goverment and her policies will be dealt with a quick blow by the Ikut Suka Aku Act (ISA ACT). Keep watching the news, im pretty sure by years end someone is gonna get snagged in the goverments new 'passive blogging only' net. after tht who knows, maybe a big firewall to prevent those "bad" ppl bad-moouthing malaysia by speaking the truth..opps i mean telling blatant lies... Those govermnetal tampon stains deserve food poisoning!

9:46 PM  

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