Saturday, July 08, 2006

Why Superman Really sucks

OK, let me begin with pointing out that by removing the letter U from his name he kinda takes on the moniker that sounds a porn star.Before you get ideas about a beefy dude spraying white liquid that crystalizes to paralyze his enemies,allow me to explain also that growing up, I never liked the guy, from his Man of Steel time to when he became Man of Energy, I always found him too powerful and therefore too boring for my taste(coz then his nemeses would also need to be ultra powerful, to a point it looks like a demigod war)
 
Now allow me to explain why I think this latest movie sucks.First off  it departs from all the other 4 Superman movies and suddenly Lois doesn't recognize who Superman is anymore.I found that to be incredibly stupid, and next is the part Baldy walks into the Fortress of Solutide just like you would a convenience store to buy some peanuts.Um, if memory serves the fortress is hidden and can only be opened by a crystal key.And it shows Luthor having to screw some old lady for money. I thought Baldy was rich coz his dad was already the richest man in Metropolis, about as rich as the eccentric Bruce Wayne in neighbouring Gotham? This whole movie to me was a big load of crap.
 
Now allow me to explain why I think Superman himself sucks.Firstly they have tried to make his stupid outfit justifiable lately by saying "S" is the logo for the House of El and that blue, red and yellow are the colours of his house's crest, presumably (that they found him in that colours).Thats bullshit.His uniform is childish and he still wears his underwear outside and flies around with some towel from his mom's laundry stuck to his neck.His uniform(unlike Spiderman's, Iron Man's or even Batman's) serves absolutely no purpose apart from comedy.Why does he need a belt?He is already wearing tights.. have you seen a person in tights wear a belt?OK maybe he wants to hold his underwear in place which brings me to point two- why wear it on the outside?And what the hell is the purpose of your cape?Batman needs his to glide and fly, Jedis wear theirs coz it looks good on them, so what purpose does Superman's serve apart from maybe to shield his yellow underwear covered butt from the full view of the public.
 
So this part about all people in Krypton needing the ability to see through stuff, blast each other with laser shots and bend metal doesn't make sense.Krypton sounds like this incredibly violent place where everyone hates everyone and has scary weapons to go with it.And they apparently have a rock which the planet is named after, and therefore is found abundantly there,that has properties that makes its people sick.OK what the HELL is the point of having superpowers than.So probably Superman is just a loser back home.If he did not come to Earth he would have gotten a mundane job and married an average looking girl and live an average life.
 
Compare Doreamon to Superman.I find Doraemon cooler on a whole lot of ways.First of all, Doraemon's weakness is something edible(doriyaki donuts) so it really won't kill him unless he eats so much he ends up with indigestion.Having a big head is cuter as apposed to wearing yellow undies.And Doraemon can kick Superman's ass in any battle.With all his superpowers, all Doreamon needs to do is reach into his pocket and take out 'Alat Mengalahkan Superman' and boom, Superman will go down faster than you can say 'Kryptonite' baby!


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2 Comments:

Blogger Mystery Man said...

Amen!

I wrote a very similar article on my blog (http://mysterymanonfilm.blogspot.com/). Except for me, I focused on the way they ruined Lois Lane.

-MM

9:36 PM  
Blogger sabrina said...

Haha
I loved this post...u are so right la. In the original, sperm-man and lois were the best of buds but here she treats him like a mere acquaintence.
But i must say that i thought the special effects were fantastic esp. the beginning scene with the plane.
Cheers!

11:48 PM  

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