Europeanised Malaysian folklore series :Hang Tuah

Well decided to go reverse for a day and try and tell a Malaysian folklore tale (not to be confused with the actual historic Hang Tuah- this here is a parody joke.) from a 'gwailo' (read: Westerners)  perspective.

Once upon a time in a land north of Singapore, where the mythical Sarong Party Girls are to be found, there lived a young handsome Calvin Klein model quality hunk called Hang Tuah.It is widely believed that prior to being named, his dad was pretty much Hung from Tuak.So his real Europeanized name would be Hung O(n) Tuak.So Hung O. Tuak, the warrior prince, the male version of Xena had a few other equally high flying partying friends.The Hungs, as they were affectionately known consisted Gas Story( Kasturi) whose superpower was to fart unendingly, Leg In You (Lekiu) who would place his foot where the sun don't shine if you pissed him off and Leg in Air (Lekir) who was famous for his Flying Kick Bersepadu dan Bersepatu (translation: Integrated Flying Kick with Footwear)

So the baddie in this story apparently used to be a Hung gang member, but was influenced by a confused mystic called the Pin Daddy ( Ayah Pin) who later married the Needle  Mummy (Mami Jarum) and produced a cute baby daughter called Anak Mami Jarum.His name was - The Bat (Jebat)

So The Bat and Anak Mami Jarum used to date and all, but now Tuah's boss, the Sultan wants to get married.So, he calls his best thug henchmen togather with Tuah and assault the cave fortress where The Bat was hiding togather with a few Marvel superheroes.So in goes our hero but he ges his butt kicked coz Spiderman is not too happy to be interrupted when he's lepaking in his cave and tweaking photos for the Daily Bugle with Photoshop.Then an old mystic walks in front of Tuah, as if on cue, and says, "Son if you wanna succeed in fighting this spider-demon, you gotta get yourself bitten by a creature bigger than a spider.

So then Tuah goes to the forest and meets Pak Belang, the Tiger.He spreads some corned beef on his ass and then the tigers bites it.He then gets some powers of the tiger that enables to jump around, snarl at people and basically do whatever the Kellogg Corn Flakes mascot gets to do.

After a fight that lasted longer than the Cold War, the two sides finally reach a stalemate.The Sultan then ordered a Stinger missile to be targetted near the cave and instantly killing Mat Labah Labah, Tuak and The Bat.It is said, that nowadays when you hang around an unnamed cave in Melaka, you can see the amalgamation of these creatures- annoying, powerful, scary , as fast as a spider but flies like a bat.its called Tupai Terbang( flying fox).However mysteriously, those who tried eating Tupai Terbang soup hoping to cure impotency and embue them with the sex drive of Mat Labah Labah, Tuah and Jebat combined only end up in dioarrhea.Moraql of the story: Don't eat exotic food.Stick with chicken.KFC loves you.

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