Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Being a Halfbreed Pt 2

I must be the only blogger in Malaysia not to write about the NEP and the AP issue.But hey, having the ISA people beat the bejeezus out of me in a dank cell with nasty giant sewer rats nibbling on my toes is hardly my idea of a 'political house arrest'.I'd rather perpetually bitch about how unfair life is to me.Me and me alone.And since I am a halfbreed, no one can claim I am making it a racial issue right?Halfbreeds in Malaysia can be the luckiest and the unluckiest bunch of people ever.There's the very few reasons why you are lucky

-You get to chat up with people of multiple races because no one really knows where the hell you came from.
-The makcik nasi lemak tends to think you're a Malay guy so you almost certainly get nasi tambah for free.

[[Pic: What the Pak Haji looked like in my mind : A food terrorist.]]
-You blend in well and don't stick out like a sore thumb in most places except maybe for the Tai Thongs and Four Seasons of the world.

But this brown overcoat called skin gives you a real painful jab in the ass especially during Ramadan.My experiences in Ramadan....

I was working temporarily at this factory assembling industrial aircon units.The first few minutes were really ok...coz the workers were all chummy with me, thinking I was, well,Malay.When they read out my name from the list however, I got thrown into a new job(I was happily shaping boxes)...to pushing a trolley with 4 or 5 air con units all day long(I swear after this two months job my arms swelled). Then while my supervisors lepaked in the surau, yours truly and a few more were covering more than one operation line.That time I had enrolled in my degree course and I remember telling myself .. "You bitches....just wait till I came back here and fire all your sorry asses".

Anyway, the real kicker in this story is the lunch break...after getting kicked around for the whole bloody morning, I dragged my tired feet to the canteen and lo and behold a Pak Haji apparently from the Islamic Affairs Unit(NOTE: BEAR IN MIND THIS IS A JAPANESE FACTORY.)

Pak Haji: Adik,bulan puasa...tak baik pecah...
Me: Um, Pakcik, saya bukan Melayu pakcik.
Pak Haji: Adik,bulan puasa tak baik berbohong, dosa lagi besar.
Me: Pakcik,saya betul bukan Melayu(searching for my IC only to discover I left it in the security guard pondok togather with my fellow worker drones, meanwhile this guy is beginning to seriously irritate me)
Pak Haji: Adik, bertaubat adik, kita orang Islam.....
Me: Hah, cakap pakcik tak nak dengar , sekarang adik nak pergi makan, kalau pakcik nak tangkap tangkap la nama saya Emmanuel saya kafir.Nanti kena apa apa pakcik tanggung yer.

And off yours truly marched and ate to the amazement of confused and bewildered staff.Later, in retrospect that may not have been the wisest thing lest I be stoned like an apostate.

So friends, whoever is a halfbreed like me, and if you're a Christian do what I do.Wear a huge, obscenely visible cross/crucifix (like the one hip hop artises hang around their neck, togather with manhole covers on chains)And when the good people from JAIS/Jakim (who are really only trying to do their job) Make it easier by flashing your Kafir identity!In the words of my friend Seelan..."I am pagan and I'm proud!"


Anonymous Mr. Adabi bin Sime Darby said...

Good friend EJ...ur strategy is da best of all..wielding ur crucifix from da wallet mimicking da western cop style.

"Freeze i ain't a malay ain't a indian nor a chinese. Behold da wise and old E-man (dats an eloquent brown man 2 you ppl out there)

8:37 PM  
Blogger Emmanuel said...

eh franco i will never wax eloquent in front some imbecile person convinced I am going against a religion I do not belong to.

1:11 AM  
Blogger kensei said...

hah~ Yes.. Puasa time is the worst time of all to be a half-breed.

Me and a Malay friend were sitting in a coffesshop having lunch. He didn't care and was happily munching on Wantan mee, while all i had was a drink.

Then this bloody Tok Haji comes out and starts bawling at the both of us. He was really offensive, calling us disgraces,useless mofos, and went on and on about how we were going to hell.

My malay friend who's quite dark says, "Saya India la, tengok makan babi ni!"

Thus the bugger turns his attention to moi, till i whip out my IC and snarl at him asking him "TAHU BACA AR CIBAI? INI NAMA MELAYU KA?"


8:32 AM  
Blogger Emmanuel said...

LOL....yea it happens to the best of us at times.Mistaken identity is a headache for a multicultural country such as ours isn't it.Life would be much simpler in black and white :P

10:21 AM  
Blogger kensei said...

Hey, at least we are racially flexible, we qualify to collect duit raya, ang pow, xmas presents and even deepavali gifts!


11:04 AM  
Blogger Emmanuel said...

u get deepavali stuff too?hey not fair!

11:11 AM  

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