What Educational Institution Ads Actually Mean

I was going to post my thoughts on Indians in Malaysia, but decided against it as I felt I did not have enough thoughts.But I recall reading a few days back about the whole fiasco at MMU over this guy getting all uptight over something and what not, but that was when I realized that like all other advertisments, tertiary school ads, colleges and private universities really have hidden meanings.... And
here are a sampling of the terms used with its non-PR translations.

"Twinning program with the top universities in UK,Australia and the US"- We have an overly bribed partner in some unknown university that has a local enrolment of under ten students.

"Global campuses"- We have some small shoplots in some third world countries that doubles as a UN food distribution center.

"International,multiracial environment"- We have some rich people coming in from poor countries ....mostly from Africa.

"High-tec facilities"- We have a few machines that is better than Pentium 1.Mostly for the lecturers.

"Experienced academic staff"-Former secondary school teachers who took an additional degree.

"Large campus"-We own a smiliar sized building,but we have many small rooms and an auditorium.

"Quality degree"- Don't worry, you can still buy this degree but you need to pay a little extra.

"Affordable courses"-We might send lecturers into your class

"Quality courses"-We charge you extra to ensure a higher possibility of a lecturer entering your class.

"Qualified lecturers"- Our lecturers can speak some English.

"Loans easily available"- We have the contact numbers for a few bank/PTPTN people that might consider sending you here and there for a few months before they tell you you're too rich to take a loan.

"100% employment"- We have an agreement with a few call centers so you can work as a phone operator upon completion of your Mechatronics degree with a major in Robotics.

"Records show our graduates work in Blue Chip companies..." - As janitors,secretaries and human routers(refer to 100% employment)