Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Being a Halfbreed Pt 1

If you know me,read my blog,heard of me or frequent one of the Three Mamaks of Klang, you would probably know/guess I am a halfbreed.A new and improved one too. (boast)how many halfbreeds actually read this many books(/boast)For those of you who are not familiar with the many derogatary words of the word, a halfbreed is this context is not another name for a Muggleborn Magician.Its for u know la....the kacukan cases in Malaysia.The cina cham india the melayu cham gwailo the bhai cham apple.So anyway I thought I'd share some of the better and no so better things that happened to me in my 21 years of walking this Earth as one of God's more colourful characters.

Incident One
I was being pushed around, literally in a packed bus heading home when this group of Chinese school secondary school adults(i wouldn't say they were kids, they looked like 30 year olds in school uniform)entered the bus like the thugs that they probably were.So a particulatly fat, oily one walks up and his tits are all over me coz he's like 4 times my size, and I wasn't exactly Mr Trim.And his sweaty body parts were all over so I probably got infected with a few hundred bacteria with one breast stroke.But still I was quite polite(as polite as you do get in a hot bus, ignore each other till it comes to your stop)Then came the Comment.

Cooking Oil Factory:(as he was doing his graceful tit stroke to get into the bus; in obvious reference to yours truly.)Haiya, hami lang kiew lu jiak ka ne puey("Who asked you to eat until you grew so fat?")
Polite Halfbreed:Kanine tu bo jiak lu eh lau peh eh peng("Fu* k you,your dad is not feeding me")
Cooking Oil Factory looks blankly at Pimple Boy,Fatboy 2 and Zit machine and shuts the hell up for the rest of the journey.

Incident two

Buying porridge at night for my mum,I chose not to speak dialect with this particular stallholder coz I didn't go there often and I just wanted to avoid the usual kampung talk i.e. the haahing and hoohing with puzzled looks as their ancient brains try to reconcile a brown face with a yellow language.Then they break into a flurry of questions asking you which one of your parents are yellow and so on and so forth.So to avoid all that I just ordered in Malay.

Porridge seller 1:mo ham tan cho....kiu (some name) mai.(no more salted egg get someone to get some.)
Porridge seller 2:haiya, tang la, kou kou malay yan sek ham tan meh?(wait, btw are you sure the Malay guy eats salted eggs?)
Porridge seller 1: hai wor....tan hai ngo yap yuk ...tim lei(I put in pork,how?)
Porridge seller 2:mo yea la, tong hoi kong yat seng hai kai...hui tei em chee la(just tell him its chicken 'they' will not know)

So as I was taking the package I played along "auntie this one what white white meat inside here" and she went "Itu ayam sikit la"

Then I just had to "Auntie, lei cho sang yee mo ngak yan, em ho.ngo em hai malay yan,tan hai suen ngo hai malay yan, ngo hui JAKIM, lei tim kai sek pei khuey tei theng?Em tan si cap lap, tu yau cho kam tim"(Auntie, don;t cheat ppl like this, I'm not MAlay, if I am,what will happen if I go to JAKIM, not only your business will bankrupt, maybe have to go jail also")

Silence and awe.

Its 9.02 am and I have not slept yet.Going to continue this post when I wake up probably.


Blogger philters said...

dude, call people like us mixed breeds la, not half breeds. even the word 'breed' makes me feel like some farm lifestock:p

i'm mixed chinese + malay + mamak, absolutely confused and loving it! i used to and still get the standard questions on my parents and all, but i like to leave people confused now rather than to treat it like an interrogation session. padan muka!

cheers, bro!

8:56 AM  
Blogger kensei said...

I'm a chinese mixed indian too :P

Some people call us "Rojak" as well... Kinda irritating, but then kinda biasa to people's stupidity la. :D

I like the line about reconciling a brown face talking in a yellow language.

I just kena something like this last night as well, One girl kept staring cause I was swearing in Hokkien while playing pool.

9:51 AM  
Blogger Emmanuel said...

Heheh....glad to know some people share my sentiment la.I got more controversial posts as well, but I am afraid Kimma will come after my ass for using certain words on my blog LOL.

11:59 AM  
Anonymous Franco De La Rosa said...

Errm Brown Man who speaks many dialects. All hail da ppl who are confused, displeased and awed at the amazement when da great Brown Man who speaks.

But well, look at the wonderful time one had when asking for directions in the street of penang. The ppl were either too stunt to hear da legendary B-Man who speaketh da language or just simply amazed at CHung Hwa's excellence in educating da non-chinese. All hail B-Man!!!

8:50 PM  
Blogger Emmanuel said...

eh since when I went to Chung Hwa.Will never go to the school that educates its kids to call people fat.

11:03 AM  

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