Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Love is a Many Blundered Thing

Love is a Many Blundered Thing.

I have perhaps the worse possible luck where it comes to my love life. My two secondary school love interests dated me for periods shorter than theirs. Both become something la, one was a writer, another ones now working for an airline as an engineer.

Then in college I met this girl. We dated for 2 years and 11 months before we parted ways. The reason? She was an idealist and I was a realist moron. Then I met this girl in my workplace. It was all roses and peaches till the true colors came out and it turned out to be a black rose, and in an instant, roses and peaches became bunga tahi ayam and durian

The other day I saw this really gorgeous girl at a conference and was about to ask for her name card when I saw her hold another girls' hand.

And yesterday was at another meeting when I saw a very very pretty girl, and tried to get in the elevator with her, but there was a dude there. Then they started talking and she was telling him she needed a babysitter for the weekend, husband not in, she going out bla bla……sigh just no luck.

Enough about my misfortunes, lets talk about my friends'. Coz its always more fun to poke fun at people when you're down right?

Friend No 1: Metal Mouth.

Well this guy, lets call him Metal, clubs every night, and thanks to him, I nearly fell asleep at work. We went to this new place in Aman Puri, and there's this bunch of few girls there, and somehow they end up in our table playing drinking games. NOTHING happened, and so he was convinced it was OK to bring his girlfriend there. From my limited but deeply painful (physically as well, girls have long fingernails and are not afraid to use them) experiences, it's never a good idea to bring your lady to a club, neither for you nor the girl, so I told him so. Thankfully his girlfriend was not too angry about it, or my friend would probably require more than teeth braces :D knowing her height. Er, you two know who you are, sorry la but I could not help but blog about it :P

Friend No 2: Much Ado for Nothing

Its never a good sign when a girl doesn't like to be seen with you and always takes your for granted. My friend, Jason Statham A/L Joe Sathiam ( Not his real name) has had advice from me, his ridiculously funny cousin brother, his ridiculously perpetually angry cousin sister, my other friend Metal (refer above story) and half the known world advised him to stop it, but I guess love's not only blind, it makes you a little deaf as well. Flowers la, dinner la (he actually took cooking lessons from yours truly, and this lazy bastard never cooked a meal in his life) and Gods knows what else. Thankfully ( and God I hope this remains this way) he is over her.

Friend No 3: Never Say Never.

I was holding my friend through his breakup. He called his ex a million and one names, ranging from free-range chicken to prostitute. And that was harsh because I like calling a spade a spade, but I won't even call a prostitute a prostitute. And he vowed to the 36 levels of heaven and 18 levels of hell that he would never speak to her again.Fast forward 3 months later, who do I bump into in a shopping center? Mr Never Ever Date That Slut and his 'prostitute'. I just smiled and walked on. I had half a mind to walk up to her and ask 'How much is he paying you?' but thankfully decided against it la. But then again this friend has a history of backtracking, so I guess it was foreseeable. Eat spit. Never ever say never.

Friend No 4: Opposites Attract.

Being an Adonis sure has its advantages, but attracting the wrong gender is not one of them. A friend of mine , Optimus Prime, seems to be an instant dude magnet, only two problems here, he is a dude himself and he is so old school the very sight of the smallest gay-ish gestures makes him go Eeek and Aaak. So imagine the OMFG look on his face when someone stops him and asks for directions and ends with the question – "Are you a good boy or naughty boy?" If Santa asked me that when I was 12, I would know the exact answer immediately. At 25, and instead of Santa, you have a guy whose only commonality with Santa is their affinity for smooth skinned elves. So, no Optimus, I have no answer to your question, though I bet you felt violated :P

There, I feel better already. Now who said bitching is reserved for women

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