Friday, March 06, 2009

Porn: Malaysian Style

I think I am slowly finding myself again.I decidedly decided to make a deciding decision that from today on, I am not going to let failure or success get to me.I am committed to make myself and people I care about, happy.

Talking to Hizzad this morning, the topic turned to pornography. I wondered why Malaysia does not have our own porn industry.I mean all our neighbours have it, right? All we have are like lame duck ass productions courtesy of some hidden cameras, overadventurous flight attendants, and of course, 'political assasination' porn.

We should have our own 3 star soft porn industry.What better way to promote Malaysia then through sex, right?First we begin with a brief examination of our foreign rivals.Here is a breakdown of their typical porn.Oh and by the way, err, I do not watch nor condone the watching of porn.This is, err, purely educational information obtained from reliable third party sources that have since repented from their ways and converted to become Baptists.

Indonesian porn: Girl bathes for first 45 minutes of movie.Last ten minutes crams an oral session, a bang and slam shut.Oh and you cannot see her face.

Chinese porn: PRC ambassador who looks like a taugeh seller will be doing a fat tatooed dong that looks like a VCD seller.Recommended only for people who have a thing for taugeh sellers or VCD sellers.

Taiwanese porn: 90% of it features Shu Qi wearing a bathing suit, a night suit and a birthday suit prancing around like a nymph around beaches, hills and other scenic value.Looks more like a work of art than softcore

French porn: People buy this for the French conversation that no one really understands but sounds really slutty.

Thai porn: 30 year old Thai thats *supposed* to be a student is 'seduced' by two ugly Americans.Repeat process three times.

American porn: Take a butcherhouse.Add truckers/firemen/nurses/police officers/teachers.Add hookers.Add videography.You get this.

Canadian porn: Take American porn.Add British slang.You get this.

Japanese porn: Take one power packed gorgeous Japanese chick.Add 20 fat men with small dicks. Add a whole load of screaming.Add a whole load of slapping kicking that could convince you that you were watching a documentary about marital violence.

So how would Malaysian porn be like?

I would like to think it would be a Rempit- inspired one. I would like to see sex at 180km/h

Then and only that would I concede that Malaysia indeed Boleh !

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