Friday, May 16, 2008

A Tale of Two Teachers

Today on the way to work was listening to FlyFM, and had a good laugh when Phat Fabes and Ben had a caller who wanted to tell his teacher something, and when they put the teacher through, basically this caller went , "Teacher, you have hot legs".I nearly died from laughing!I mean because running through my mind was this two teachers I had in primary school and secondary school which were polar opposites to each other.

My Standard One teacher, Cikgu Thalmiah was like an angel teacher.There was a time, unbelievably where I was thin.I was also bloody short.If you think I am short now, me at Standard One, I was basically a skinny midget.I probably looked like a cross between Gimli and Gollum.And I had an evil older sister, 11 years older than me who at that time was a giant( I think over the years our roles reversed, as you know, you become what you hate rite).Anyway due to the constant mental durress I faced as a child from my evil sister who would have fed me scorpions if she could,I was ridiculously timid.Firecrackers, Lion dances and Santa Claus were a few of the things that terrified me as a kid.So understandably I was also terrified of school.School then reminded me jail.Everyone was herded around by angry sexually deprived teachers (read: wardens), the food was served in small bacteria infected portions and the gates were locked except during visiting hours (read recess). Being terrified of school,my teacher noticed me missing one day and actually walked to my house after school and enquired about me.I mean how cool is that right?And so every year after primary school I would drop into my old school, just to wish her. Until she retired.

And then there was this secondary school teacher of mine, lets call her Mrs X. Mrs X was the embodiment of evil, even worse than my older sister.If my older sister was a rogue demon, this one was Satan Himself.She was so ugly, she made Jabba the Hutt look sexy.Her face was as lumpy as a toad's ass with warts and all and you could literally see a LAYER of 'blusher' which looked more like the applied Duluz Weathershield on her face with a paint roller.She had a 'daily theme'. If she wore red, her lipstick and eye shadow would be red.If she wore pink it would be pink.And if she wore lime green....well you imagine a dark skinned, large, hairy, pimply woman with a lime green tight jacket and lime green eyeshadow and lipstick smeared on top of a pale white oily 'foundation' and I would have successfully described Mrs 'X' to you.

And there was this day where this teacher gets PMS(or in retrospect, given her age, I believe it could have been menopause) and starts harrasing the Indians in class(apparently she's Ceylonese).I don't get it.The other Ceylonese girls I know are all hotties.I think, this woman would have lived at the border of India and Sri Lanka, and neither country wanted her.She probably got deported from her home country to Malaysia on grounds of fugliness.

She starts calling the Indians losers and all the crap you can think off, drunkards, wife beaters etc,etc.I wish there was a HINDRAF then.I would have sent them loose on her, and see what happens.Eventually I could not take it anymore and shouted "This is Malaysia!" or something like that form behind the class.Then we lodged a complaint and while waiting for the hearing by officers from the Jabatan Pendidikan, this other male teacher comes up and greets me.I end up banging Mrs X and complaining - asking why these Ceylonese hate us so much yada yada, and he ended up being Ceylonese.Smart me right?Anyway the teacher ended up in a rural Chinese school.So Cikgu, good luck finding Indians to harass there.

So yeah, thats my tale of my two teachers.One taught me patience, and in a weird way, the other one taught me to stand up for what isn't right.So maybe I have her to thank for joining a political party and being involved in NGOs.

So to Cikgu Thalmiah, Selamat Hari Cikgu.And to Mrs X, Happy Teacher's Day,Bitch.

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