Black Man in the White House

Three things that I never thought I'd live to see in local politics- Non Malays support PAS and Malays support DAP. And PKR to form an actual agenda. Two out of three has happened

Three things I never thought I'd live to see in international politics- Mugabe get knocked out of office, Musharaff embrace Christianity and a black man takes over the White House. Two out of three has happened.

After all that's been happening, people should not be so surprised at all. After all, the African Americans have basically beaten the Caucasian Americans at their own game. Morgan Freeman-Best Actor. Denzel Washington- Best Looking Actor. Halle Berry- Actor everyone wants to sleep with. Tiger Woods- Golf Player/Actor.Chris Brown.-Brilliant Comedian.And now Barack Obama.

Now I'm waiting for a black Pope, a black Ku Klux Klan leader, a black religion founder and a black lacrosse champion.

While we're there and since we already have a white rapper, we might as well add a white Black Panther, a white NAACP president.

We're halfway to racial equality :D

The Week I Lost My Mind

No, I did not torch any houses down or yell at a abang polis trafik nor did i give a middle finger to an innocent heavily tatooed Indonesian worker(all these actions, are of course in reference to the title of this post :P .I literally lost/misplaced my mind for the last few days.Perhaps it was due to work related problems (those who know me well probably knows this well :P) or a the threat of legal issues and police reports looming over my head.But never mind that now, its all been cleared out of the way.But looking back at what I did during that duration....it was chuckle-worthy :))

1.Standing in front of a convenience store at my workplace for a while, I was wondering why the sliding doors did not work.Only after another dude walked in did I remember....the doors were not automated sliding doors, but push open doors.

2.On the way to a mall with some buddies, we were talking about Port Dickson.I was happily relating my experiences about how a buddy got stung by jellyfish when my friends burst out laughing.Apparently, I had started my sentence with "When I was up in Genting last time...." and they were wondering if a new species of flying jellyfish had started hanging out in our local casinoes.

3.Mixing up my two close Chinese friends Yap and Soo,i.e. calling Yap as Soo and vice versa.The argument "All Chinese boys look alike" cannot be used here for two reasons, one my mum is also Chinese, and two, Soo is smooth shaven, milk colored and could easily pass off as a girl if he wore a bra and a wig.Yap looks rugged, has an Adam's apple.Plus, one is very white, and the other is always red (like certain deep sea creatures,Yap reacts towards heat, alcohol and the presence of the opposite sex by flashing a bright red color to ward off predators and balance his delicate body temperature :P )

4.Almost putting a piece of charred pork lard into my mouth, thinking its a piece of 'char siew'.
(We had also ordered a side dish of char siew)When we went to eat at BBQ Plaza, I almost put in a piece of burnt lard (used for oiling the grill) into my mouth as I thought it was a piece of Char Siew..... (dramatic pause)....'nuff said.

5.Gave RM 5 to a guy for something that costs RM 5.10 and 'waited' for my change as I thought it was RM 3.10. The worse part was that I heard him say RM 5.10, but my partially switched off brain processed it as 3.10.Sigh.

6.When visiting a clinic , mispronounced lozenges as Los Angeles.Now that tops the cake la, coz its only something an Orang Asli kid whose been deprived of English material would do.

7.When playing Battle Realms, The 'Under Attack' icon kept popping up but everytime I checked my base it was not under attack.I just assumed it was one my scouts getting hammered by a moving army.I kept moving my army when I saw the 'Building on Fire' icon.To my horror,I realized I was playing as blue .Looking quickly in the blue base....I watched in horror as my last peasant hunt got razed to the ground.


Sigh.What a week.But on a nicer note it was my 101th day with my amazing girl.And I am still in love with her......stronger and more fervent than before.I love you, dear.

New Tampon In Town

I just RoTFLed seeing this...so I thought I would share.

1)Your normal rubber stamp ink pad

2)Or is it??

3)Closer look-"Tampon Encreur"- Hmm sounds like a female commando squad motto :P, i.e. they will 'encreur' you with their used tampons ..hehe.. well, apparently, its a French translation for inking pad.

First Days in New Company,A Farewell and Ghost Stories

OK, I know its hard to see the correlation between the three things mentioned in the title, but bear with me please ;)

After all, I am a bit feverish and am typing this under what seems to be much durress. I feel as though I've bee ran over by a pickup truck, smacked in the head with a titanium golf driver , crucified on a football goal post and had stones pelted on me and all while listening to a really bad rendition of "Unchained Melody" sung by a couple of ah beng/ah lians at Redbox that sounds more la "Ah Cheng Buey Loti" (Ah Cheng buys some bread) than Unchained Melody.OK, here goes, but do forgive the apparent lack of chronology on my part.

First up- My first day under new management.Hmm, it was ok I guess but I am still wary given that most employers only reveal the vampiric fangs after the first 3-4 months.But I feel I can adapt to this new environment and my girlfriend has been a constant source of energy to me.I feel the need to continue moving up in my career path for our future's sake.There is a theory in Indian astrology that rules, if the birthdates of the guy and the girl is suitable, both their careers etc skyrocket after they meet.

Now as a devout, Jesus-loving Catholic I am not supposed to really believe in all this la, but after meeting her, only three months back,my salary had increased very substantially..No joke.Sort of had two really good appraisals followed by pleasantly unexpected raises. And not to mention....the day where she accepted me as her other half, I struck a never before gotten minor Jackpot in Genting.Of course the bigger jackpot was that we got attached on that beautiful day.

Second up, the farewell of one of my colleagues who was also leaving for studies overseas.He entered the company together with me, we were of the same management trainee batch.Poor guy worked so hard he needed to shower at my place as it was too late... we hit a new destination for a change- Redbox karaoke.It was not a bad package really, 20 pax cover charge, plus 20 free buffet dinners, plus 8 jugs beer, fruit platters, tidbits, few bottles of sparkling fruit juice, tidbits and a 1kg cake, it set us back around RM 700.The room came complete with a large screen TV, a small screen TV, a kickass sound system and a Playstation with separate TV. So those who did not like the song currently being played (or the singer who was singing it) could opt to go play racing or something.[ pics to come]

Third up, was exhanging ghost stories over supper with collagues yesterday.Was really funny as there were so many versions that came out of the Karak highway ghost.The one I had heard, was there was a creature that clinged on a couple's car and started knocking the roof, and eventually the husband got down to check on it for a while and did not return.The wife inside the car heard louder bangs after about ten minutes and suddenly the police came and told her to get out of the car , and don't look back as she exited, but she did.....and here is where the versions get different.

1)She saw a Bigfoot like creature knocking the car roof with the husband's severed head
2)She saw a head with inner organs hanging out clinging on the roof
3)She saw her husband's headless body banging the roof with his own severed head.

Personally, not that I don't believe in ghosts or anything, but I think that

4)She saw the yellow Digi man clinging on for dear life and knocking on the roof to tell her to reload her phone as 12am expiry approaches.I think no 4 is the scariest of the 4 versions.And am I the only one who thinks the yellow digi man (or his cousin, the blue Danish telco guy in their latest ads) looks just like a man's private part with a condom slipped on?And the 'head' also in the same position....em, but I digress.

So there was this genuinely scary ghost story told by Mathan la. At least it seemed creepy to me.So it goes like this.One of his friends were using the NKVE and suddenly hears people whispering in Mandarin behind him, when he was ALONE in the car.(Don't ask me why all haunted roads are highways, and why ghosts don't favour normal kawasan perumahan roads)

So this dude calls his friend and his friend asks him "Yo, whats the noise?" and the first guy's shocked that the voices are transmittable and can be heard the other side.What was happening was whatever was being said in Cantonese by the two humans was being repeated in Mandarin by the two, um, guests.

So after some time (at this point one of our managers interrupts Mathan "If you suddenly go boo at this point, I WILL smack you) .Mathan did not go "Boo!" and the humans suddenly hit on an ingenious idea.They start talking in English, and for about five mins, no one spoke in the background.Happy with what they thought was a solution, they start yapping when the guy in the car suddely tells the friend on the line "Erm, can we talk back in Chinese?" And the friend on the line goes "Why?" and the first guy goes "Because they are suddenly staring at me...."

And at this point I had to make the 'wise' statement like "Oh I heard from somewhere that ghosts active hours are mostly from 12a-3am" And on came the torrent of ROTFL, and a kickass statement "Why ghosts also need sleep ah?"

But of all ghost stories I enjoyed the one my dad told me the most.Fresh from Penang, he was posted in Kelantan border and one night was driving one of his staff home when he remembered that this staff was really afraid of occultic stuff.So there was this story going on at one of the milestones by the road that every night a girl would be sitting there to woo unsuspecting drivers before she well, I guess kills them.So when they pass that area, my dad noticed that the guy was jittery and my dad saw nothing there.

But he slows his car down and pretends to look at the milestone.The guy starts to freak out.Then he turns to the guy and says "Ada perempuan cantik tengah duduk la, Mat nak tumpangkan dia tak?" And the guy covers his eyes and screams "Jalan Encik !! Tolong la jalan"

Then my dad goes. "Tapi mat , lawa la, bau pun macam bunga melur..." And the guy opens the car door and runs away into the darkness....

So I guess I know now where I inherited my evil streak :P

But this morning I went to work really groggy and still recovering from an overdose of Tom Jones and the Carpenters (from the karaoke) and ghost stories (from the night before) when I swear I thought I saw a ghost.I thought I saw an old man with a towel wrapped around his head sitting by the side of the road, with a kerosene lamp , and cold shivers ran down my spine...Closing my eyes and reopening them, the Misteri Nusantara was solved.Staring back at me, was a kerosene lamp belonging to a kenduri kahwin, and close by, a broken car seat with a Good Morning Towel hanging to dry.

Now you guys have a ghost story for KESAS as well o.O

What I never wanted to be

After some chats with my dear girl,I realized that growing up I had always wanted to be this somebody la at one point or another.I went through like a plethora of 'ambitions' before ending up in a career path chosen by like 2/3rds of Malaysian students... Information Technology.

More like 5/6th of all Malaysian students la.Yea yea, Zaman Teknologi Maklumat my brown behind.

And most of the 'IT' jobs you get at Cyberjaya and Technology park would not require any form of IT professional training whatsoever, any dud would be able to answer phone calls and go 'Hello, International Global Call Center Masquarading as a Technical Specialist.My name is , but it does not matter since you're going to forget me in ten minutes anyway.If you would like to know, I hold a Masters in IT, but my job could easily be taken over by a PMR graduate,a talking dog, or a phone recorded message.

I've been job hunting before, and that was 2 years bacl, and from what I heard the market's only got tougher.Back then, job fairs would be like 80% call center jobs (HDPM-HSBC's call center) is like the biggest unemployed grad farm I've seen in my life.The Government should award Datukship to the white guy running the place.Out of the 20% remainding jobs, 5% would be programming jobs that requires the applicant to be proficient in 30 coding languages, the ability to work 22 hours a day and the patience to do it all under a salary of 1.5k per month.

5% more would be jobs that require 3 or more years experience but somehow opened a booth in a college job fair.And usually they will recommend you the call center jobs as you lack experience (they have call center openings too)

2% would be for ultra hunted positions, with 1 million applicants going for like 5 posts.And then they will make you go for blood test, eye test, IQ test, EQ test, shooting test, lie detector test, until at the end of the day you will be convinced that you are being interrogated by the CIA and your dad is related to Osama Bin Laden, and confused, you decide to join the call center to avoid detection.

Only the remaining 8% would be actual IT jobs whose advertisers are actually looking for college grads or something and willing to give you a chance la.So those lucky few who are not succumbed to the Dark Side of the earlier categories would be those who chose a Jedi Way LOL.

But back to the topic, I had always at some point of my life some burning ambition la.

Among things I wanted to be when I grew up apart from the mandatory 'doctor,lawyer,engineer,architect' (both real ambitions and fictional figments from childhood), in no particular order

-A Jesuit priest
-A Jedi librarian(OK laugh laugh...but I thought it was cool to know all the stuff in the galaxy and still kick ass with a lightsaber)
-A forensic anthropologist
-A paedatric neurologist (I remember reading somewhere they're rare)
-A military strategist
-A pilot
-A marine biologist (especially when I got fixated on deep water creatures for a season) ...yea Pelf, laugh la
-A Capuchin monk
-Electronics guru specializing in complex PCBs.
-Poisons expert (ninja movies)
-A horticulturist

And numerous others.There also things I did not want to be....but sometimes my friends assume I do due to well, alcahol influencing their thoughts or my voice or something similar.

-A towel model
-A professional clown
-A professional sushi eater (the guys who has to stuff up the last pieces of sushi from a karaoke night)
-Same as above for ice cream or anything else.
-A professional singer
-A prophet
-Jesus Christ Superstar
-A black Jesus.
- A cross between a red beetroot and a guy who thinks he's a beluga whale.
-An economist
- A UN envoy(when I suddenly launch into a volley of international goings on jibber jabber like I actually know what I am talking about- usually a few glasses of alcohol does that to people.)


well, Yap, at least I do not do an Egyptian dance or the Numa Numa la.So there.My two and a half sen worth.And I know you're reading as well (you know who you are la la...so Ai Shiteru to you too.)