Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Wawancara Hari Merdeka

Well, Shin Shin featured a 'Wawancara Hari Merdeka' and guess what- yours truly was asked his opinion la(togather with a few other bloggers).So do read it here

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Keng Yaik Won..and Proof my Friends are Animals.

...and it doesn't affect us in the least.Both his victory and Ka Ting's.In my own terms, 'takkan ada apa-apa yang berGerak-pun.'We're just going to have more spittle spewing forth from his mouth togather with bad English, horrible Malay and tonnes of salivated bacteria.So in other words, the people most hurt by this election results will not be any race community, nor be it the country, but most likely Sahabat Alam Malaysia or the Foot in Mouth Society.

That being said, let me reiterate that I have friends that are animals,to say in the least ... bad clowns crossed with rabies-infested dogs.Beasts with a sick sense of homour.What else explains 4 calls to your handset in the wee hours of the morning when you've spent the whole day walking up and down a 2.6 km port wharf????

Disclaimers: The names are withheld to protect them from eternal humiliation and me from getting my car window smashed.After all they are from Klang.

3.45 a.m- a creature called G calls, slurring. "Dei ....I am in Zouk, and I can hardly walk."
Note from me: Why the fuck would I want to know this at 4am?

4.00 a.m- a beast called S calls and slurs into his phone "Dei...you should've come dei..ok...bye"
Note from me:I hope you burn in hell

...nvm at this point I have told them both NOT to call, and that I am sleeping, but when half your blood is composed of alcahol I suppose it affects comprehension and/or hearing.

4.12am - S,G,R and H; henceforth known as the Four Parias, calls and yell togather in drunken stupor - "Heeeyyy Emmanuel" and S, the beast picks up and drools into the phone "Dei don keling us ah dei....Last nite I dreamt of ***** dei...dei...Dei tomoro come ok...sett"

AND AT THIS POINT I could not sleep anymore la.Bitches.Fucking bitches.

Note from me: I really do not know what i said but it got him to put down the phone and at that point of time it felt like conquering Everest.

5.30am- G yelps into the phone - "dei we are at Sriga....come la turun and have breakfast".I clearly remember cursing him and heaping blessings in the form of every obscene word I could think of with every language I speak.

And well, if you're wondering why my phone is still switched on after call 1, its habitual.Plus one does not factor in barbaric friends in the thought process of turning on/off your phone!

And when I returned from work and called them, lo and behold, of course, they could not remember a thing.That did not prevent me from cursing them some more.Now I know why the Prophet Muhammad banned alcahol.

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Animals in My Life

Note : The furry inspiration to post this came from a visit to my pal Hizzad's place two nights back.

Now before I go on and on with my usual being pissed off with the world, let me enlighten the world on Hizzad.He is the only Muslim friend I know who would happily skip Sembahyang Jumaat just for a peek of Mousehunt.He is also a fellow Ganesh Kumar hater and an overall idiot.But he's pretty fun to be with and is highly tolerable.

Now ....

Animal no 1. Its definitely Hizzad's crazy cat.Even though it's body looks just like any kucing jalan/kucing kurap/ kucing sesat you would find rubbing against the hairy legs of pondans in Lorong Haji Taib.Honestly this cat has a tail that would remind you of a fox.And its freaking agile.In an irritatingly cute kind of way if you know what I mean.For the record, I neither consider myself a cat person or a dog person.I am more of an Aibo person.But this cat would respond to any shiny/jiggly/moving object in the room and pounce on you faster than a gay guy tries to hump John Travolta.I honestly believe this cat is a secret member of Al Qaeda.

Animal no 2.My neighbours freaking dog.Its loud, smelly and irritating.Not in a cute kind of way.And its ugly.Many people say people tend to take after their pet, but this case proves the opposite.I am sure the dog became uglier after these people adopted it.

Animal no 3.My sister's friend's dog, Max.Damn this guy humps any moving object.It would hump your leg if it felt like it.It would hump a tree.See, thats the price for neutering animals.You're surpressing their inner sex drive.I pity Max's wife.That poor bitch.

Of course half my friends are animals but I shall not get into that now.Peace.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Motorcycle with Car Bodykit

Thats right, I drive the very nice Kancil a.k.a Motor Berbadan Kereta.I have almost no qualms about the car seriously, but after driving to my workplace for a week, I am more convinced than ever than Kancils should come equipped with one or more of the following
(pic: Kancil Bus)

a)Machine guns operated from within the steering wheel.
b)A "Destroy Vehicle Ahead" miracle button
c)Motorcycle-icide to spray away pesky motorcyclists who have as much decency as a street vendor in Petaling Street.
d)Police Hologram generators or fake sirens to make everyone stop being in such a goddamn hurry.
e)Loud bullhorns twice the sound that of a lorry.

Granted,these utilities will most likely skyrocket the humble price of a Kancil... i.e OTR model-Rm27,000.
Full Accessories model RM 227,000...in addition to draining the AA-like batteries to nothingness per trip..I believe its neccessary to teach the irritating traffic users.

First are the lorry people a.k.a Raja Jalan.Mentang mentang lori besar, ego pun besar.Second is the motorcyclists who seem to think that every gap between cars is a valid lorong.OK...I can deal with that two.But when two idiot motorcyclists are overtaking each other IN THE MIDDLE of YOUR LANE...looks like a bloody tribal dance on motorbikes....thats seriously lebih la.To smear enhanced sodium to my wounds I was in the slow lane and I was doing 40.Because these two VIP motorcyclists seem to think the road is called Jalan Bapak Aku.(this happened to me this evening.)

So here is a message to all those clowns who will listen...or are mentally capable (got brain)
-Abang abang lori, pls cover your sand.We understand you want to help Dato Samy build roads faster but dropping sand all along highways will only make glass manufacturers richer no thanks to cracked and broken windscreens.
-Motorcyclists who think the road belongs to their moyang.Kindly be reminded that a car knocks into you fast enough, and soon you will be joining your moyang.We have enough ghosts in our roads already.No need some more.
-Trailers.We get it, you are big.We get it, you are always hot and angry.If you bang us, chances are we will join our moyang, and haunt you.

Speed kills.Drive safe.Think of your moyang.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

My Love-Hate Affair with Anime

Pic: Some dude dressing up like Kenshin.Err friend.... you know Kenshin died of STD rite????

I give up.End.Kaput.I cannot/refuse to/would not want to understand the bloody names in Japanese anime anymore.And I do not understand people's crazy obessesion with it sometimes.It only took one week to break my spirits.Its just too bloody confusing, with so many names that sound like Japanese electrical product brands and/or single sounding syllables.Its a memory overload.

After watching a few, the premise looks the same, its like running around a trudged jogging path over, and over, and over.....first few hundred episodes will show you how great the hero is, and how everyone will wanna challenege him and how they eventually lose, and how our hero can take on three or four legends at a time...and the next few hundred will highlight how his 'ultimate move' isn't so ultimate anymore.

Then he will
a)Remember some stupid hidden move that his sifu taught only him, and not the opponent which more often than not was a fellow student gone evil(hint: don't worry, the sidekick will meticulously describe this in great detail to us who are wondering)

b)Preach to the bad guy

c)Use up all his energy to kill himself and the bad guy Kamikaze style.

Whatever happened to the good old days were Doraemon will pull out magical underwear that plays music from his pouch and save the day.When the bad guys can always be defeated using Super Saiyan x 5 million or something?And where violence simply meant some blood dripping from the hero's nose.

At least those huge, puppy dog eyes of the characters haven't changed.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Japanese Anime Culture Shock

No, this is not a post about the dangers of anime or 'pengaruh budaya kuning' or anything like that.Its just the culture shock I recieved from watching the much hyped about Naruto at a friends place(about 10 episodes back to back from episode 70-something)

Now a little background on myself.I've beens colded for not fasting, insulted in a multitude of languages that I understand perfect well because I have a funny 'kulitification' i.e I look Malay even though I am not.So seriously, that doubled up being a confused kid brought up by multicolor parents, entering a mostly Indian kindergarten, going to a predominantly Malay primary school and a predominantly Chinese secondary...I would pretty much like to think that I am incapable of being culture shocked (even though I did quite a go when I was exposed to smelly cheese in UK, and wondered what the hell is the white man's problem with durians thereafter)

But nothing would mentally prepare me for the shock I got from watching Naruto which totally destroyed my opinion that Japanese cartoons were all about cute monsters with kick-ass powers or legendary samurai with a useless sidekick to further highlight his skill(and the sidekicks' uselessness)....

-Scene opens in a friendly ninja school where all kids are doing some form of tests .....then I realize these are kids killing and maiming each other.Now imagine if this were a Taewkondo grading session...
-Ninjas travelling at light-speed
-Talking dogs that can fly
-Talking dogs that use shampoo
-Ninjas that can fly
-Cute Hello Kitty masked like creatures that are actually the Ninja Secret Police,apparently
-Using kungfu within a ball of sand
-Crazy dude who calls sandball 'mom'
-A 'hidden' village complete with high tec 'sekolah pintar' school and a huge stadium and reinforced walls like Alcatraz
-Ninjas summon dogs,toads,monkey,snakes into battle like a huge, not-so cute version of Pokemon
-Creepy gender bending dude who looks like a cross between V and Edward Scissorhands who says 'Sarutobi Sensei...' in the most annoying possible way
-The chief ninjas apparently dress up like pesawah padi.
-Tsunamis are caused by demons.

This is great.Now I am hooked to a cartoon I see little sense in.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Rest in Peace,Your Grace.

Archibishop Emeritus Tan Sri Dominic Vendargon passed away at 96.Rest in Peace Your Grace. He would be remembered by Catholics in Malaysia for starting many churches, schools,orphanages as well is bringing in foreign priests to serve Catholics here.

DOB:29 August 1909
Ordained Priest:8 December 1934
Bishop:25 February 1955
Archbishop: 18 December 1972
Retired:30 July 1983

Passed away : 3rd August 2005

Funeral is this Saturday morning at St John's Cathedral.

Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic

Heard this Bloody funny song by Weird Al Yankovic the other day, thought I'd post it(yea I know its pretty lame la)I watched the video too and it was freakin funny, like the part Coolio swings a golf stick, Yankovic swung a 'sabit' attached to a stick and the part where Michelle Pfeifer sits is also parodied and even the images of Coolio sweating!

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It's as primitave as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anoder
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise

Download it here , well partially at least.
And the song here
And for people who don't know what an Amish is , or have been living under a rock for the last 30 years... click here