Saturday, April 28, 2007

Fear the Light

Fear The Light

To who would murder kill and maim,
To those who claim to use His name,
Fear the Light.

To whom who spits in His face,
To the man that judges man by race,
Fear the Light.

To whom would seek to hurt another,
To the man who betrays his brother,
Fear the Light.

To those who inflict pain of injustice,
To who would rule with prejudice,
Fear the Light.

To those too cowardly to speak up,
In prison and persecution find questions,doubt.
Fear Only the Light

And to those who have suffered for all truth,
Been pained , crucified, abused,
Rejoice and eternally be glad,
For you have found the Light.

Emmanuel Joseph,Klang2007

Saturday, April 21, 2007

How to Irritate a Religious Zealot

Below are some ways, some tested, some otherwise to irritate your local religious zealot.Its pretty much standard things you CAN do wherever you are and regardless of whether the inferred zealot is a gun toting terrorist kind, the Billy Graham preaching kind, or the holier-than-thou ..I-am-as-holy-as-the-pope-and-you-gonna-burn-in-hell-Ha-Ha kind.

1.Blow bubble gum in front of them.Punctuate every "pop" with a holy chant/song.

2.While eating, suddenly look towards the heavens and cry "Thank you!Thank you!". Try shedding some tears a little bit.

3.Order really sugary drinks (Coke with sugar etc) and preach on the virtues of sugar and how plain water is evil and how God's plan of salvation involves people dying sooner from diabetes (technically you are not commiting suicide)

4.Start a debate on wheter God would prefer Pepsi or Coke

5.Argue that Furbies and Tickle Me Elmos are unethical and equates trying to create new lifeforms and play God.

6.Proclaim loudly that you just saw a holy image in your food then proceed to eat it before anyone gets to see it.Then wear an ear to ear smile and say "Now God is truly in me"

7.Ask for God's email address so you forward him your complaints in life.

8.Keep asking him/her "If God created us, who created God?" and claim total ignorence to any valid points raised.Then make outrageous statements like "I think God lives in Mars"

9.Start praising how cool God is...just whent he zealot gets in the grooves, reveal that you were referring to the Death Gods in Bleach.

10. Lament on how pitiful the zealots ancestors are and how lonely they must be in hell (at some point the zealots ancestors would have been fire and rock worshippers)

11.Insist that you have embraced the zealots' ideas on God.Then pretend to start worshipping the zealot.Take a photo of the zealot, place some candles before it and place it in a very visible place in your house.Call the zealot over to your place and as he enters your home, throw yourself at his feet and cry "Oh Blessed One!"

12.Ask the zealot if God truly forgives all your sins.If he says yes, slug him.Then look up to the sky, and wave your hand saying "Sorry G"

Saturday, April 14, 2007

The current state of Politics in Malaysia

Yesterday, I attended a yum cha session with many interesting people from UPP, upon the invitation of saudara Shin. Among the more recognisable personalities that were there included Hazmi Hashim (candidate for PKR's Youth Wing presidency), Shen Yee Aun, Hafiz Noor Shams,
John Lee MK and Rozan Asen , PKR Youth Wing chief for Batu division.

Saudara Hazmi asked me over a Nescafe susu lembu....what I thought of Malaysian politics.My answer, was something along the lines of this...

UMNO-A party that stresses on and fights for , the need to be racially based, and racially biased.I believe that the notion that Malaysia is not yet mature enough for a multiracial political party to be only half true.The other half is that for UMNO to remain relevant, and by extension, remain in power,Malaysia must be divided among racial lines.UMNO is not racist, as long as you are Malay.

MCA-A party that stresses on, and supports an education agenda, as long as your dad or mum or uncle belongs to that party, and can get you into KTAR or UTAR.

MIC- A party that grew from mere estate workers and thugs that evolved into a party consisting today of, rich estate workers and thugs.

DAP-A multiracial party that boasts 700,000 members nationwide, including 2 Indians and 1 Punjabi.And a Malay whom I strongly suspect is either a paid actor or a senile homeless gentlemen that has been promised some food if he shows up in meetings.

PBS-A party of tribesmen turned tycoons.Friendly as long as they do not get tempted to board Air Asia's cheap flights to the mainland.

PAS-An ok party, but has a tendency to be biased to those who wear serban only.I could be a great scholar but as long as I do not wear serban, my thoughts are not quite relevant.

And finally the educated and gentle Hazmi asked me about PKR...

My response was....along the lines of..

"Even tainted as they are, all political parties mentioned have a warcry, a battlesong, a clear agenda.The focus of the party so far has been one man, Anwar.Now that he is free, what is your goals?What are your objectives?Are you liberal or pro-PAS?You are at a crossroads, and if you don't let people know what you plan to do and where you would take Malaysia, and do it soon, people will lose interest."

...To be Continued...

FAQ for all Malaysian Religious Zealots

This goes out to all those religious idiots out there who wholeheartedly believe their god 'chosen' race shall inherit the earth,and heaven, and the stars, and everything in between and anyone who so much as sympthaizes for the other religions, us..the stone, moon, rock and tree worshippers should perish in an eternal flame while they run around naked around some holy nude photo of some porn star while they wank themselves to blindness,celebrating the death of their enemies....and their newfound freedom to well, wank themselves like a blind chicken .PLEASE READ THIS...I believe it answers most of the questions you have for us.Also applies to racist chauvinist bigots who believe their lack of capacity in bed can be compensated with hollow bravado and talking big cock instead of having the latter.

Q:Why do you keep interfering in our religion?Can you not mind your own?

A:Coz you made it our business by dragging our people to your courts, exhuming the graves of our family members because somewhere, someone heard the dead guy say something close to "I converted".When actually, all he could have said, in context, would've been.... "I converted all my Malaysian ringgit to USD coz I had it with this crazy country and I'm getting out of here"

Q:Why don't you just go back to China or India?

A:Coz I have as much as, if not more reason to be here.Only in this country, would the government take away a perfectly good, profitable GLC from a hardworking Malaysian, give it away free of charge to another, maybe not so hardworking Malaysian,maybe coz they're friends, then pump in millions of dollars to save it, give up trying and try and sell it to a foreigner, and call everything they have done as something 'in the best interest of the nation'. Coz it wasn't the Chinese or Indians who terjun into the pineapple plantations, cut off our power supplies or stole your grandfather's bicycles.Coz if we go, there won't be mamak stalls anymore.Worse still, you'll have no one to tax, and no one to alibaba your projects to.

Q:The DAP is a chauvinistic and racist party.MCA and Gerakan are also racist.Doesn't supporting them make you racist?

A:That does not justify waving a keris at us.If we are racist then the policies and social agenda implemented by the government made us so.The principles fought for by Gerakan and DAP are universal in nature.However supporting them and being a Malay somehow does not gel, perhaps owing again to the principles of national policy that makes it such that if you venture out of your ethnic gang, you stray and look like a traitor to the cause.

Q: We are clearly the majority, we meaning left wing fundies.The rest of you should shut up and abide by our laws.

A:Look, here is some simple math.Malaysia is an approximately 50% Muslim and 50% non Muslim country.Safely, all 50% of non Muslims will not want a theocratic state.And even if everyone else does, just one or two Muslims who don't want a theocratic state will already tip the scales in favour of a secular country.I can name a few here, Walski, _earth, Nur Hidayat Nordin,Malik Ilmtiaz Sawar, Marina Mahathir and Zainah Anwar.Prove it in the ballot box, not by annoymous postings on cyberspace or terrorist like demos on the street.We do not need another Libya or Indonesia.

Q:We've given you so much space to practise your stupid lowly religions.What more do you want?

A:Tolerance does not mean giving someone a 4 by 4 cubicle with a statue of a god in it for twenty people to pray.In a truly religiously free country, people do not have to wait decades to build a church and beg for their temples not to be abolished.Having the largest Buddhist or Hindu statue in southeast Asia means very little if the tolerance stops there.Having large statues only makes tourists happy as they can snap more photos.

Q:Even though we are a Muslim country, we still allow you infidels to taint this holy earth with gambling in Genting and build the largest brewery in South East Asia.This proves we still tolerate you worthless scum.

A:Go ahead and close both down.Guess who makes the most out of gaming tax and liquor tax?
..To Be Continued..