A longish political speech
While helping out in Pandamaran, never had the time to stop and speak, though Shen was pushing me too and partially coz I wouldn't want red paint splashed outside my door for screwing up the opposition campaign I am supposed to help with.
But if I were to speak, I'd give a talk something along the lines below
Good morning and selamat sejahtera to my fellow Malaysians,
November 2007 was an eventful year for the Barisan.First BERSIH took to the streets, demanding and end to a ridiculously,grossly unfair electoral process.Then HINDRAF rose up and stood up against ridiculously unjust government policies that failed the Indians.Then the Bar Council romped the streets to protest undemocratic practices that insult the intelligence of educated Malaysians.
So,Abdullah,Ka Ting and Samy started to get worried."What to do?" Samy asked Abdullah."Never mind...we got so many gods in Malaysia, we go and pray"
So off they went to the Buddhist temple in Penang's Burma Road -The Sleeping Buddha temple (because Badawi likes to sleep).After burning some joss sticks and bowing a few times, Buddha opens an eye "Eh, you people ah?"Buddha sighed.Badawi asked "Buddha, please give us some help in this election....we getting hammered all angles".Buddha said "Sorry la, Badawi, my Mazu temple in Kudat you go and ban, my Tua Peh Kong temple in Penang also you go and kacau, not enough with that, my follower's dead bodies also you want to disturb!! I cannot help you man.."
So the BN trio goes Our Lady's church in Macalister Road.Prayed in front of the crucifix for a while when Jesus opens his eyes..."Peace be with you.....err oh you guys ah?" Badawi went "Yes Jesus, please tolong-tolong sikit la this election, if not scared we lose my Pemuda go beserk and start French kissing the keris pulak"
Jesus replied,"Sorry dude,cannot la.My church in Shah Alam after so long only you let them build, some more look like a shoe factory.So many of my guys you convert I didn't make noise, one of your girls want to convert to join me you give her Hell, My follower bring Bible from overseas you go and rampas, but FHM and Cosmopolitan you don't disturb.Worse is you kacau Buddha's followers' dead bodies enough la, my dead guys also you go and disturb!How la friend....anyway good luck and em, God bless."
So on they trudge and Badawi goes "Never mind, we go to Terengganu, there I build a nice new mosque, spent 300 over mil...come we go and pray there" So they reached Terengganu, but Idris Jusoh stood outside the mosque "Sorry la Dato, still not yet get CF.The town council said they don't know the appropriate bribe to ask for a crystal building, plus we never built it to pray what, just decoration for the Terengganu people's eye candy, compared to Nik Aziz's masjid papan."The three looked at Samy Vellu, who went "Never mind, we go for Hindu temple!" But they searched and searched for few hours, no Hindu temple could be found because Khir Toyo had bulldozed it all! At that very moment, thousands of Hindu gods appeared in the sky and chanted "Padan muka...padan muka..woom...padan muka...padan muka.."
So Ong Ka Ting boey tahan....he told Pak lah "Hisham said he don't need Indian vote, Ch'ng Toh Eng said no need Indian vote and Malay vote...never mind la we also don't need God's vote la...come we go and find some devils to help us"
And they called Najib, who brought them to a small pondok in Pekan which houses a powerful Bomoh who reportedly can also make powerful C4s.They pay the bomoh and he shakes violently for a couple of hours.Badawi waited and fell asleep.After he woke up, the Bomoh was still vibrating like an ageing Proton."Wei, kontrak NCER to halau semangat I gave you 2 million already 'consultancy fees', where is my jembalang wei?"
The Bomoh replied "Sorry la Dato', I tried Jin Kafir, Jin Islam,all the Mambang, all the hantu and all the Syaitan but all don't want to come down. "Why, what's the problem?" Badawi quizzed. "No la, they said the three biggest Syaitan is in front of me, they dare not come down!"
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I believe the Government's policy of teaching Maths in English has backfired.I say this because it seems that the ministers themselves don't understand Maths anymore! When giving out subsidies for fuel, Government said not enough money.But they have money for ridiculous and ill afforded projects like sending a space tourist to orbit the Earth, building a brand new capital city in a barren swamp,a multi million Pound sports complex in England that is used for a few days every 3-4 years.Let's take the Corridor projects, which run up a cost of 1.03 Trillion ringgit.
When the DAP says they want to give 6,000 ringgit per household per year, government says its impossible, but when they want to build a project that is worth so much, when divided to a price per citizen, comes to 43,000 ringgit per person ,or roughly 170,000 per household, they have the money.Isn't 172,000 enough to sustain DAP's promise for 26 years?????Let alone the revenue from petrol, palm oil, etc etc.And those are natural resources.Singapore, with zero natural resources are so so very much richer than us.Yet, we have not heard of a Singapore Corridor, a Singapore Roof or a Singapore Window project, yet the Singaporeans have much higher income per capita, much higher spending power, much lesser crime and much more contentment compared to us.The difference between us and them, is that for the past 50 years, Malaysia has been continously struck by tragedy after tragedy that occurs every 5 years on average.A tragedy called Barisan Nasional.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Never has Malaysia been so fragile.Never has Malaysia seen a police force so subservient to the government, an ACA that cannot act or perform thorough investigations, a Election Commision chairman that is so partial, he might as well quit and stand as a Barisan candidate in any Barisan stronghold.Never has the judiciary been so tainted, the government so arrogant and the people so sidelined.Never before has the powers that be lost this much connection to the ground to the point that its almost as though the government and the people are living in different worlds.
Pak Lah has big ears, but they cannot hear very well.When 30,000 people took the street demonstrations, he still denies there are problems in the country.When street demonstrations and opposition rallies drew huge crowds, the government did not see.When the cries of Makkal Sakti rang clear across the country, they did not hear.When the people demanded their rights to be heard in Parliament, in Cabinet and wherever else we are 'represented', they did not speak.We have a government that is deaf, blind and dumb!
But all is not lost.The Opposition now seems to have a very strong backing of the people.At the same time, the Government seems to have lost some ground to the people, and more ground to party infighting and inter party fighting.This would be the opportunity to send a resounding "No" to 2/3 majority and "Yes" to justice,freedom and equality for all.
Makkal Sakti!Reformasi!Barisan Mati?