Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Malaysia In the Year 2020

First off, allow me to announce to everyone that the MENJ fiasco is over, but not without getting a mention at the Malay Mail first.

The now allow me to proceed with my usual writing, that is stuff that is largely ignorable and have very little literature value as well.Basically, in simple terms, cock and bull talk.

Anyhow, I was thinking the other day ( a rare activity which I do) about what is going to happen to Malaysia in the year 2020.After all, Dr M had these big dreams for Malaysia and will they materialize?This is what I foresee...


Disclaimer:I am politically nonaligned even though I heavily support anyone who gives me free petrol.Please take this as a joke as it is meant that way and do not spam me with hate mail or launch a report to PM about me.Peace and joy to the world.

Law Enforcement

Due to stupid requests from VCD Peddler-hunters and jaywalking busters, Every single person that has any small minute part in law enforcement will be armed.Police officers will be circling city blocks in tanks.Jabatan Alam Sekitar will walk around in AKs and should you double park your car, you will feel a cold bite at the base of your neck which means the MPK sharpshooters have got you and you have 3 seconds to live.But our Armed forces will still be defending our country with toy planes that fall from the sky, sampans painted silver to look like metal and fourth or fifth hand Russian tanks that serve better as pest control to kill off squirrels.


As healthcare is getting expensive, Malaysians will now have to settle for Hospice instead of hospital.Its an insurance scheme whereby you pay Rm 200 per month and one fine day when you're terminally ill, the insurance company pays a counsellor to come over and tell you how great you're doing, and how lucky you are to have company while you're dying.Some insurance company may even throw in a fruit basket.Normal Hospitals will be for tourists only.This is perfectly timed as after SARS, bird flu, JE,Mad cow and everything else, vegetables have become infected with Vege flu and most people are living on refined sand that we stole from Singapore.

Petrol Price

As price of petrol will be super high, Government has advised people to spend less and adjust their lifestyles about 30 times now.At the moment the 'adjusted lifestyle' includes living under a bridge and eating scrap off garbage cans.The saved money from subsidies have been used for development projects like a huge museum, a bigger palace, a new national lake and more stuff that people can no longer afford.

Diplomatic Relations

Malaysia now leads , after NAM and OIC, the World Unaligned-Yet-Siding-America Coalition, The World's Voiceless Countries Making Noise League and Corrupted Nations Against Corruption.We still bravely voice our opinions though no one hears them and champion the cause of helpless countries like nuclear powered India and Pakistan, oil rich Cuba and economic powerhouse Dubai. Powerful countries that respect us include Libya,Kenya,Ghana and Zimbabwe.We should indeed be proud of ourselves.

To be continued.


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Thursday, May 18, 2006

An Open Letter to MENJ

This is an open letter to MENJ in response to his post in regards to Christianity.

Dear MENJ,

I find it amazingly hypocritical that you can post such a daringly  insensitive post while claiming to do da'wah and stand for a religious, even holy cause.Sorry, but I find it hypocritical.You advocate 'am'al maaruf nahi mungkar' type of Islam which I believe simply as 'Do good and not evil".How can berating a fellow man's religion possibly be good?Satire or no satire, imagine what would have happened supposing someone posted something against Islam, in the name of Jesus and the uproar that would've caused.We are a pluralistic society, not a monotheistic theocracy.

I also find asking someone to masturbate to Chapter 23 of Ezekiel bankrupt of moral standing, and an insult to apologetics itself.I am far from a good Christian and will be the first to admit that.But that which is not good is me, not my religion.I believe Muslims have a similar saying, the good comes from Allah and which is bad comes from ourselves", so why target Christianity?You claim that my faith is irrational and illogical.Yes it is, and I am proud of it.Yes, being crucified is senseless and stupid.Yes, believing in the Trinity is incomprehensible.But so is the miracles of the Holy Prophet.Having water flow out of your fingernails and trees that cry because the prophet refused to preach under it.Moon that is cut into two and stones being dropped by bird in the skies to the enemies of Allah.It is as, if not more illogical than my faith.Yet you and one billion others profess it.

I find it shallow that one who speaks so much of religion, and so much on history to take sides rather than be objective in the matter of the May 13 riots.My father saved the lives of 2 Muslim girls by letting them ride in his car driving through a Chinese part of town in Penang.Even so, he remains objective of the whole incident and says that both parties are at fault.It was a black spot in our history not some random event started by DAP as a conspiracy to topple for power.Conspiracy or not, are you contributing to nation building by harping on the issue.By doing so you only fuel hate and hate kills peace.

I have Muslim friends whom I consider brothers , people I would die for and people who would die for me. Look up Hizzad, Imran,Man and a host of others.I ride to work with a good friend who teaches me something about Islam every day.NONE have disrespected my religion in the way you just did by that post.

God is about love, not hate.I could have typed my usual crazy joke style post while poking fun of your moustache, your dad, your English or whatever la, but out of respect of what you are doing (preaching) I owe you this much( a decent post)

I will not engage you in any argument or debate, nor do you argue/debate in the same circles / forums/channels that I do, but this is just a post to let you know what you have done in most Christian's eyes are unnaceptable and painful.


Just to ponder - Sura 29:46, "We believe in what was revealed to us and in what was revealed to you."

Sura 10:94  If you have any doubt regarding what is revealed to you from your Lord, then ask those who read the previous scripture

Sura 5:46  Subsequent to them, We sent Jesus, the son of Mary, confirming the previous scripture (the Torah).  We gave him the Gospel, containing guidance and light, and confirming the previous scriptures

Peace be with you.


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Monday, May 15, 2006

Phuket Trip Part 2

As promised, the second part of our trip report.

Malam Pertama

The first night was amazingly expensive.We got slaughtered but it was a happy slaughtering.This time images of happy sheep being sembelih danced in my head.We were getting fleeced, but why were we so happy?Well, for one, the tom yam at dinner was fantastic, beautiful,so fantastic that I'm still having tummy aches one week on. After dinner there was of course the show, except that the show was nothing like we came to expect.I was expecting some form of cabaret but this looked more like a liberal arts show, you know, the type underground groups used to have during the Chinese revolution?The songs were melodic, as Fauziah Latiff would say in Malaysian Idol, pitching, pitching tu jaga...But seriously I have never seen so many songs murdered in one night. You guys know the song "Don't ya " by Pussycat Dolls? OK their version went like "Doncha Wish Your girlfriend was law like me, doncha wish your girlfriend was a prick like me" so imagine yourself la....Then there was my sifu Chua's long lost brother complete with air guitar and cordless mic stand singing something that was either Thai or English with full fledged emotions that only he understood.

And after that we show a show where people did amazing things with certain parts of their body which I shall not elaborate out of fear of harrasment,imprisonment,rape or being showered with rocks by women's rights groups,religious groups or that can be used by people who hate me to get rid of me once and for all.Then I got drunk and near passed out.No thanks to the well-priced alcahol.

Morning after

Now the day was not bad, but our tour guide was kind of blur la.Either purposely or not, I am not sure.But we wanted to buy cashew nuts, and he brought us to a cultural village.We asked for jerseys and he brought us to this place that made jewels! So we huddled places, took some pictures and the highlight of the day was of course Bangla Soi, or Bangle Road as the Mat Sallehs call it, where our maruah as Petaling Street hagglers were challenged by the more 'law' and 'pricky' version of Petaling Street.But unlike Petaling Street, vendors here did not grab you by the shoulder and aim their fist in your face if you refused to buy their goods.

The second night was even more amazing as we'd already known some locals.The second night is where you find the pics of me and someone in a yellow shirt that you've been asking about in friendster.Anyway long stories short, I may no longer be single la.And pls refer first post on Phuket for the other thing that I am no longer.Thank you for your kind attention.

Because of this trip, there exists a very real possibility that me and Chua (who is gonna marry a Thai) gonna be neighbours sometime in the distant future.After being here and seeing it first hand I now understand why people like Thai girls.Its just something about them!

I had a blast, and feel amazingly lucky to be in the team that was the first to make it happen so rock on brothers.Phuket!Phuket!Pics in second post as this is too long.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Thoughful Rant

Disclaimer:A sabbatical from cheerful posts to ponder on my life.

Spent a good part of the morning looking at pics of my ex girlfriend, our old love letters and what not and felt very sentimental, old and to some part, regretful.But then another chapter of my life has just opened.

Thoughts drifted to my goals and ambitions, what I set out to do.Somehow I feel my pace have slackened of late.Back in college I was juggling 3 jobs and a study course, and managed to have a pathetic, near nonexistent but still surviving social life.But now, I have my job and my small time part time source of income.I used to have this big dreams of a great education spanning to multiple post grads, a terrific life with great cashflow, a loving family and all of that.But I believe we were not meant to have EVERYTHING now.I believe we were put here in a short span of time, to make the most of it, to make each moment count, to take what we need and to leave this world a little bit better than the way it was when we came into it.

Having new friends, both from work and renewed long lost friendships have broadened my horizons in unbelieavable ways.In perspective, how much does one really need.You only live for so long.In the end all you will have are memories.Memories of backpacking with your high school friends.Of getting stoned with your college buddies, and cracking crazy jokes with your collegues.Of course, ambition and everything else drives you and keeps you going but you need some other motivation sometimes.To drive you need fuel.I think I just found that fuel.Its name is FUN-1 and its formula includes friends, alcahol and females.


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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Phuket Trip Part 1

Ah..where do I begin....our trip to Phuket by the team's execs/managers.It was um, interesting to begin with where about 80% of the objectives were met.Of course, the objectives was sun,sea,sand and girls. As for sun, I ended up with dry lips, so check.Sea, well, I did smell something salty la, i think it was ham, at least, so check.Sand, yeap did step on the beach-check again.As for girls, err, no comment(read: read on la)

Chapter 1: The departure

We hit the road in 3 F1 cars driven by our resident F1 kakis (Imagine 20 years of road rage)who sent us there in one piece(ribuan terima kasih) followed by our first twenty photos in and around the LCCT.It was seriously low cost, people had to sit on the floor pipes and conveyor belts.The only thing not low cost was the food.Now everybody can fly, but not everyone can eat.Finally the plane took off, yes folks despite having me on board.

Chapter 2: The arrival

We stopped to be greeted by colorful people who kept trying to sell us stuff.When we told them politely no, they smiled and then tried to sell us some other stuff!Then a wonderful marketing strategy employed by our neighbours was uncovered.Taxi drivers(who btw drive big cars, not our Iswaras) stops us by some shop in the middle of nowhere thats supposed to be a travel agent I suppose.There we were dragged out of our car and kena psycho kau kau about how cheap they can get us stuff and all.All the while, I had images of sheep being led to the slaughterhouse playing through my head.I wnder why...

Chapter 3: The Hotel

Was greeted by this beautiful hotel on a small bukit.Nice- Phuket- we go upstairs and the first signboard that greets me, instead of Sawadee Ka or Welcome to Phuket, is a big fat signboard reading "Warning- Tsunami Hazard Area.Safe Area 300m. In event of emergency, move inland or to higher ground." Um, OK...not very reassuring, but then I was soon in the holiday mood as a big van with some gorilla on it started playing Metalicca music and had a poster on it going "Tribute to Metalicca at Patong Beach- We will rock your ass off"
Even though had very little intention of going, it was like insurance, knowing it was there was some form of consolation.Besides, if I failed to get laid on this trip, I can always tell my friends how cool the Metallica T-Shirts were.

The bitch of it is, it was a beautiful,rather spacious ultra modern hotel with luxurious facilities, but had NO LIFT.I got a room int he third floor, and to top it off there was a small climb over a hill, and 2 flieet of stairs before you reach the first floor.So after walking around town, you really just feel like sleeping in the pool.

Chapter 4: Malam Pertama
To be continued with added pics muahahha

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Phuket Visited

Upcoming post on Phuket.Lots of info.Watch this space.I am possibly no longer a virgin and no longer single.